Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
