I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
