my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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