Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just cropdusted the office
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
