I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
