My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
