I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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