So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
