Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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