i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
well you can't waste a boner
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
