it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
