why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
