the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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