She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
