Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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