Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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