Who wears a wallet chain?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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