btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
