I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
