your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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