You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
