Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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