I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
