Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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