Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
