I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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