if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
