Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
