I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
