She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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