why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
