they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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