who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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