Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
