I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Can Purell be used as lube?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
