I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
