drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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