went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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