i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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