I seem to have left my pride at pride
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
