Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
