whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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