cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I love how my cats smell like pot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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