He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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