i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
