I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The power of my boobs compel you
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
