i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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