Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
