he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
