did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
