Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
