we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
