Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Of course I have a pirate flag
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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